Speaking His Heart ...

Well here we are … The beginning of another year, a opportunity for new paths to be taken, resolutions will be made & later broken. So, I will spare myself the self-embarrassment, I’m not going to make any. I’m going to pay more attention to the goals I’ve already been striving toward. My first new year on the “row”. Wow!! Well, to me this day is the last day that I spent on the streets. I caught my case 4 years ago today, so for me every New Year replays my last day of freedom. All the pain, hurt & agony floods me all over every Jan. 1st. You may wonder why it has such an impact on me … Well, it’s because the victim in my case was my fiancé, the love of my life. The one person who I put on a pedestal & anticipated spending the most of my life with, “my everything”. So, I didn’t just lose my freedom on this day, I also lost my other half. It’s a constant emotional roller coaster around this time. Crazy, huh?? Because, as much hate, anger & resentment I have for her, I have just as much love or more to weight against the hate. Don’t ask me how, but please know that it’s real. I feel like she can hear me when I talk to her, but she must be upset, because she hasn’t spoken back to me in a while … Slow down!!! Don’t lose your head!!! I’m not crazy. But talking to her or looking at her picture brings me a sense of comfort. I didn’t shoot, murder, or hurt her at all, but I created the situation that lead to it all happening. So, me being locked up isn’t so bad, because in my heart I took responsibility for the whole thing. I miss her & the kids so much. “My family”, they were everything. The reason for me doing certain things to better myself … I miss Mondays & Thursdays – thrash day & laundry day. Weekend movies & bowling or swimming. Family time was good & I looked forward to it due to the fact of me not growing up in a 2-parent household. Anyway … I miss Sundays going to church. Yes!!! I did go to church regularly when I was home. The whole family joined the congregation, including my son. I was the last to join. I surprised everyone. I can honestly say, I was at the best point in my life when this situation occurred & I lost everything I worked so hard for in the blink of an eye. Home, cars, cloths, freedom, family & my life gone all at one time. Well, I know that the reader is probably not interested in hearing my problems, but it’s really not being written for sympathy, or to complain, but this is just to talk you through the mind of just I death row inmate on New Year’s Day 2015. I mentioned to the members of “oppose” that, I didn’t like to write articles because I felt that I had nothing interesting to say. I was told to just write how I feel & what’s on my mind. Well, this is it. My contribution to “our” organization for this week. I love hope & I want to share my hope with my fellow members. I want to carry my weight, no matter how small or insignificant the assignment may be or seem to me. I asked myself … if the very members of this organization don’t put forth all their effort to support our case, then how can we really expect anyone in society that supports us to do their part. Brothers this is our fight. So let’s man up & do our parts. I know it’s a strong possibility that the death penalty won’t be abolished before I either get out through court or God forbid my execution takes place. But, I want to know that I did everything I could do to help farther this case & make progress for the new comers. “Just being honest” case time waits for no man & death row has no respect of persons. To tell as many people that I can that lethal injection is inhumane & is nothing but a scientific experiment of drugs to find a good dosage/combination to kill you by any means necessary, but to try & make it look good (sugar coat) it all the same time. Dear reader … There are innocent men on death row facing execution. Also, there are guilty men on the row as well, but each individual’s circumstances are different. Some had no other choice, some are very sorry & would get out & live very productive lives. Some would go do the same thing again… “Less face it there is evil in this world.” Dear reader, please understand that there are some of us in here that are blessed daily, but you also have those of us who have no one. No family support, no financial assistance, no one to love & last but certainly not least … there are those of us that “don’t have anyone to be loved by” I’m one of those who long for love & to be loved. I enjoy meeting a mature woman who don’t mind expressing themselves in multiple ways. I love to listen to a woman talk, tell me how her day went, or how her life’s been. No holding back, finding solutions to challenges in our lives & growing together… But, due to my current situation & the vast percentage of people who are considered “judgmental” & the amount of those individuals who are so close minded that they won’t open their minds up enough to embrace the possibility that I’m a changed, rehabilitated man … that has feelings & desires equivalent to those of their very own. Whoa!!! J That’s deep if I do say so myself. Let me pause for a sec to pour a cup of coffee … I’m really enjoying to ride the ride that my mind is taking you & I on at this moment. There’s a scripture in the bible that says “My people perish for the look of knowledge.” A very true statement. So, dear reader, let’s begin education ourselves on the death penalty & what it really stands for & represents. Lots learn the protocols evolving & leading up to an actual execution. Let’s learn that actual doctors don’t even take part in an actual execution. So, they’re present, but due to an oath taken by them to preserve life they can’t take part in the execution. Yes, it’s the truth. Look it up, read about the multiple botched/messed up executions that have taken place in Oklahoma, Arizona & Ohio. This happens because for one. These states along with Alabama still haven’t abolished the death penalty (despite the fact that it cost incredibly more to house a death row inmate vs the cost to house an inmate in general population). Those men were tortured until they died. “Improper drugs used to carry out all executions”, witness reports have stated inmates began shaking & gasping for air as if a fish out of water. This alone proving the paralyzing drug is insufficient when it comes to paralyzing inmates, though strapped to a death gurney. I can only imagine how those men felt with that poison leaving a trail of fire seeping through their veins. Inhuman, constitutional violations, abolishment, are just a few words that came to mind when I found out about these thing that are taking place in these prisons when people in society pass by everyday not realizing the great injustices that are taking place right under your noses. Ask yourself … How would you feel if your daughters, sons, brothers, cousins, or even companions were in this situation? Would you care enough to do research on it, or what if it was you!!! Yes, what if it was you sitting here writing this article/letter to no particular person, just hoping that someone takes the time to read it & enter your mind for a day. Asking whoever reading this to share it with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, people in your community. Dear reader, remember that knowledge is power & in the words of G.I. Joe “knowing is half the battle”. So, take a few minutes of your time to visit our website & educate yourself on this battle for lives that’s taking place as we speak. When you look & see how many supporters we have backing us in this fight. Women, I’ve never spoken to or seen in my life, taking the baton & running this race with me. Esther, Ursula, Tanja, etc. special thanks to you guys for your love & support that’ genuine. You guys fight for the lives of men you’ve never ever seen. I’m new to this fight. Only a year in the organization, but when I look of some of my brothers white/black who have been running this more than for some 20 plus years & who are at the end of the line & all they have left is their “hope”. It makes me want to fight harder & try to speed up the process so their lives will be spared by death penalty abolishment. But, as I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint. So, patience becomes very essential. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for.” So, we fight with patience & precision making accurate strikes to our opponent, chipping away at him slowly til we achieve success. Well, I know this is probably not normal to write so much, but I had to get a little of this pressure off my chest. Hope you enjoyed your introduction & tour through the mind of Cedric Floyd, a.k.a. Soló. If you have any questions for me feel free to ask & if you want to contact me, I can receive mail at this address:


Cedric Floyd Z-796 Cell H-12

Holman 3700

Atmore, AL 36503


until next time,

Solo







last update: 02/22/2015